Freedom!

tallest

“Look, Mommy! I’m the tallest!”

It’s been a couple of months since I’ve posted anything. Not because I haven’t had the time (because I do have the time), but mostly because I’ve been reevaluating most, if not all, of my priorities in this 2nd chance of life. Last year, with the cancer diagnosis, and the resulting 6 months of chemotherapy, changed the way that I look at my life, as a woman, wife, and mother. It was a dramatic (& horribly traumatic) wake up call.

After living with my Mom throughout my chemotherapy, I was OVERJOYED to move back to my own home in January. To be back within my comfort zone, my safe space. To be able to drive again, and cook, and clean, and DO things with my Husband & Daughter. To be gloriously independent. To be free. FREE from the mind numbing, soul crushing fear, and anxiety. FREE to be ME again. The loving, happy, go-getter ME.

Not to say that I’m don’t need to work on my physical & emotional health anymore, since I do, and am. Nor do I see everything in life as some sugar coated land of rainbows, because it isn’t. I’ve still got a long road ahead of me to BE my best self. But for now, since I’ve been given this 2nd chance of life, I’m happy, truly happy, with where my life is right now. No foreseeable surgery, no sickening chemotherapy, no more hospital stays away from my Daughter. Just….freedom. Something that I never saw quite as clearly as I do now.

Have you ever really mulled over what FREEDOM is? What freedom actually means? To me, freedom comes in the form of being able to DO the things, the activities, that most people take for granted. Like baking my 1st cake in over 6 months. Like being able to jump into my car, at a moments notice, to run errands at my favorite stores. Like digging my hands into cold, new soil gardening soil. Like being able to read a book again without feeling emotionally overwhelmed by it’s plot or characters. Like date nights, in Santa Cruz, with my Husband. Like taking my Daughter to the playground. Just me and her. Watching her run through the grass, plucking up flowers to hand me. Watching her climb her favorite rock structure, twirling in circles, calling down to me, “Look, Mommy! I’m the tallest!” Watching her beautiful little face soften into slumber, in the dead of night. These things that I’m able to do again, these precious things that I once took for granted. These things that embody freedom.

Freedom, to just be, me. Finally.

A priority, that I pray, I will never change.

m&m

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